POETIC REVIVAL

  I sit here day after day Grapple with myself  Refusing to do anything Useful Meaningful  Worthwhile. My thoughts are like a jumble of Multicolor yarn left over from Long ago when it made sense To knit. I’ve been missing human contact People, friends, family, strangers Voices, words, long sentences that make Perfect sense.  I don’t like this hall of mirrors  Where everywhere I look I see myself Only distorted Shattered  Broken  Muted I’m floating in a gray haze Nothing to focus your mind on  Nothing to walk towards   Nothing to aim for Just an endless haze.

  Sometimes Time is going by so slowly Like,  OMG it’s only 7:43 PM Or I am so sleepy  And it’s only second period   Or It’s only May 5th And I’m so ready for Summer! Sometimes Time goes by  so fast  you get a whiplash  Like, Oh darn my vacation is over Or Wasn’t I just changing your diaper And now you're choosing colleges?  Sometimes It’s as if you don’t have enough of it Time I mean, Like  OMG it’s 6:00 PM and  No dinner? Or Do I have enough time To do all I must do All I want to do All that needs to be done Before I die? Sometimes I want time to go by fast Like when I’m in pain And sometimes I want time to slow down a bit So I can smell all the roses I want.

I thought of you I brought you to life I named you I gave you love I gave you myself. I can give you things Books, Clothes, Shoes, rings,  Ice cream, Trips to the beach To the mall Music,  Laughter Adventures  Memories Huggs Kisses. I will walk around the globe, Fly to the Moon, I will go down to the depths of The oceans, Climb the Himalayas, Swim in the Arctic.  I will do anything To bring you back, To bring you back to life, To give you back your life, To give you what you lost, To give you back What was stollen from you. I will give you my life If it could bring you back If it could make you whole If it meant you can live Your life. People who know me will know who this is about. For those of you who don't know, its about my daughter who got sick when she was a child and stayed a child.

Drifting, drifting, aimlessly drifting  Like a feather that got away Drifting here and there  Resting softly anywhere Rising slowly  to fall down again Drifting for hours on end Resting here and there and everywhere To drift again, slowly, maddeningly all day.

I want to go to a mountain top and scream And scream and scream and scream I want to take a sledge hammer and strike  The rocks and shatter them all to smithereens  I want to pull on my hair  Collapse on the ground And weep and weep and weep I want to wrap my body in a black shroud Get on my knees  Go from here to the tallest mountain And cry  and wail and beg for mercy If there is a God maybe she takes Pity on us and stops this slaughter Maybe we need human sacrifices  Lets round up all the war mongers The people who have committed crimes against humanity Weapon makers, tyrants, dictatores Corrupters, polluters, perverts  And offer them to this God My heart is broken  Our hearts are broken We are all in mourning  For the thousands who have perished To this evil virus 

The sky is overcast with grey clouds It’s bitter winter in March Emotions like a weather bitten flag Torn, tattered, and and pale  I can’t make sense of this world We have turmoil, wars,  Displaced people allover  Fires and mudslides  Tornadoes and hurricanes  And like all of these weren’t enough Now we have a  killer among us We don’t see it, we don’t smell it We don’t know when it comes We are all in terror  And have no place to hide All the reasons making us unhappy Have paled in parity We are all holding our breath  Waiting for this storm to pass And corpses are piling up 

Maybe I had something precious, Maybe a talisman  I don’t know what. Perhaps when I was wondering in the cosmos To find myself I dropped it in a black hole.  Maybe my heart is missing I wouldn’t know I can hardly hear it beat. Maybe I had a twin That was never born. I’m missing something Intensely   I feel an enormous void Where my soul is supposed to be. I’m longing  intensely For something unknown  I’m hurting, From  emptiness  And I don’t know why.

In my dream I saw Ani, I saw my late mother too. I hugged her like a child,  And I kissed her. Ah, mother I said, I’m very sick, I’m without hope, I said, I have a wound incurable And the misery of the world. The mind is powerless, the will uncertain Love a fallacy a fantasy Destiny is evil, life without meaning Death an unending fright I am tired mother, I need to rest I don’t want to feel or think. Mother mother please undress me Cover me so I can sleep.  The whole world is a nightmare, An insane delirium, Man is but a shadow, effort is useless, Every step closer to death… Ani is a ruined medieval Armenian City Now in Turkey  Ani was also the diminutive of ancient goddess Anahit who was seen as the mother protector of Armenia. It was also called The city of 1001 churches. Wikipedia.org Poem By Avedik Isahakian Translated from Armenian by Armineh Amirian Zohrabian

Flowers of autumn Delicate and sad Trembling and shy  In the empty fields In your doleful eyes There are tears A belated dream  In your velvety hearts Soon the wind will blow And bring the snow You will die unlived Flowers of autumn Poem by Avedik Isahakian 1921 Translated From Armenian By Armineh Amirian Zohrabian

I’m coloring my brain, I’ve taken it out  from my skull It’s hung in front of me like a canvas And I’m just adding colors  That I think are befitting.  I color the speech region verdant green, The memory part should be purple  dark and brooding.  The emotions are watery blue Infantile and undeveloped. The logic is steel gray hard and unwavering, The creative right side is like a broken mirror Shattered in a thousand pieces . The sympathy part is raw blood color. This painting is crazy, It’s crazy like my brain, Like my mind, Like me. September 19, 2019

Something is sitting on my chest,  Something heavy, I can't see it, I can't touch it I just feel it all day long All night long. Some mornings I wake up  Expecting it to be gone But it never leaves.  I shouldn't be surprised  I don't even remember  When it landed  on my chest. There are moments  When I cry,  After a long reflection,  The weight become a little less  Oppressing f or a few days. Then it comes back  again With its heavy embrace.  Now the truth  I know why this thing is here I know when it sat on my chest I know it will never go away Because nothing will change back After everything changed forever.

B  L  U  E,   B  L  U  E,   B  L  U  E If I could just sit here, Calm,  Silent,  Free, Looking at the ocean Vast,  Bottomless,  Deep  Blue Blue Blue… For as long as I lived Or forever I would. If I was lucky at all, I could lie here, On my back, On the warm sand, And look up  At the sky, Expansive, Unfathomable, Infinite, Blue Blue Blue… I would not tire Ever Our sky is blue The universe The cosmos All blue Blue Blue Blue Armineh Amirian Zohrabian

You Are Everything You are my Sun You are my moon You are my air You are my tune You are my dance You are my song You are my chance My native tongue  You are my water You are my cloud you are my daughter You are my pride You make me laugh You make me sing You make me cry You make me live 04-19-1995

I'm your knight in shining armor, I’ll vanquish demons Real or imagined. Hush my beloved, Close your fearful eyes  You shall see no shadows  lurking. Rest your head on your pillow  let yourself drift into slumber, I’ll stand guard by your bedside All night. Dream in peace my darling, I’ll protect you from all evil , Nothing shall harm you, Sleep tightly my dear one.  I’ll be with you all my life  to hold your hand, caress your brow , kiss your sweet face, sleep with no fear  I am here. My innocent My angel  My ethereal spirit. To My Daughter