Sunday, October 11, 2009

Welcome To My World

I don't want to be the person
who is not happy
unless she is miserable,
don't want to feel like this
at all, ever.
Don't want to explain why
I can't, I've done it too many times
to me it's obvious
to anyone who knows me it should be.
I wonder how other people feel?
normal people,
do they think why they are here?
what their purpose in life is?
do they question their existence?
do they constantly want to know
if life is worth living?
Or are they just enjoying the journey.
Are their days filled with fun things to do
places to go, people to see?
How dose it feel
not to think all the time
not to question everything
not to measure, to weigh, to compare
try to find the good
always careful not to hurt
not to destroy, to pollute
to alter
try to create something
beautiful, meaningful, lasting
anything
to breath deeply
to breath and not smell despair
how dose it feel?

Thursday, October 01, 2009

Going Home

Sometimes,
it's the way that sunlight picks through the curtains
sometimes it's a familiar smell I can't recall
a song, a melody heard from afar,
tonight it was the city lights
flickering in the distant
as I was driving on the 210
they all transport me home
for one magical, precious moment.
Returning from summer vacation
in the crowded back seat of our car
tired and sleepy eyed
we would smile in the dark
when the city lights would appear
beyond the hills
thinking that we were almost home
that our beds were waiting for us
warm and cool at the same time.
I know, and yet I don't know
why it makes me sad
to think of home
maybe because that home
exists only, in my memories
like my parents, it's long gone
maybe my now is so bleak
that the past always seems better
happier, kinder somehow
But I know better
Because I remember
The summers of suffocating boredom
in our small town
When the library was all we had for entertainment
Yet I long for these bygone yesterdays
when life was naive, uncomplicated
Innocent.