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Showing posts from 2009

Welcome To My World

I don't want to be the person
who is not happy
unless she is miserable,
don't want to feel like this
at all, ever.
Don't want to explain why
I can't, I've done it too many times
to me it's obvious
to anyone who knows me it should be.
I wonder how other people feel?
normal people,
do they think why they are here?
what their purpose in life is?
do they question their existence?
do they constantly want to know
if life is worth living?
Or are they just enjoying the journey.
Are their days filled with fun things to do
places to go, people to see?
How dose it feel
not to think all the time
not to question everything
not to measure, to weigh, to compare
try to find the good
always careful not to hurt
not to destroy, to pollute
to alter
try to create something
beautiful, meaningful, lasting
anything
to breath deeply
to breath and not smell despair
how dose it feel?

Going Home

Sometimes,
it's the way that sunlight picks through the curtains
sometimes it's a familiar smell I can't recall a song, a melody heard from afar, tonight it was the city lights flickering in the distant as I was driving on the 210 they all transport me home for one magical, precious moment. Returning from summer vacation in the crowded back seat of our car tired and sleepy eyed we would smile in the dark when the city lights would appear beyond the hills thinking that we were almost home that our beds were waiting for us warm and cool at the same time. I know, and yet I don't know why it makes me sad to think of home maybe because that home exists only, in my memories like my parents, it's long gone maybe my now is so bleak that the past always seems better happier, kinder somehow But I know better Because I remember The summers of suffocating boredom in our small town When the library was all we had for entertainment Yet I long for these bygone yesterdays when life was naive, uncomplicated…

Dusty Memories

It's noon and the sunlight is white
The heat hanging still
cool sheets smelling like lavender
the air fragrant with
cigarette smoke and tea
my mom is taking a siesta
forcing me to lay by her side
but the Summer day is so full of promise
I can't sleep
I crawl soundlessly out of her reach
then spring to my feet and run
clutching my doll, mumbling sweet love
I'm the momma now
strolling in my childhood garden
drunk with happiness and smell of Jasmin
I'm free

Why Do I Love Thee

Maybe it's because you were conceived with passionwith pent up longing of separation maybe because you were my offering to the alter of love maybe I love you because you will carry us through generations because you have his logic & my fire I love you because you are pure unspoiled unique You are love My love

Blackstone Merlot

I love red wineafter a few glasses I even love myself I'm forgiving I'm kind I become philosophical and forgive every one's offense's no one is mean tonight no harsh words spoken only cressing complements My husband of thirty four years is dashing my reflection on the wine bottle is dreamy I should drink red wine more often.

Fooling

Fooling myself
fooling everyone
faking a smile
hiding in the mundane
not looking in the mirror
not wanting to face myself
longing for solitude
to hear myself breathe
listen to the falling rain
the fire crackling
ice melting in the glass
why the torture
who cares? do I?
needing to appease
denying sincerity
disowning serenity
Living like a fool.


Regrets

I'm turning the soil
my body is weary, my legs like lead
sweat dripping from my forehead
gripping the shovel with callused hands
digging the hard winter soil
I'm tired and my arms hurt.
Flowers are waiting to be planted
spring is coming

the soil is ready
Make your plans
take your trips
fall in love
sing your songs
do your deeds
jump from plains
swim in waterfalls
climb your Everest
plant your flowers.
All the things you dare dream about
everything you care for
when there is still time
in the spring of your life
before your body is old

before your soul is tired
if you don't
you will regret
and regrets are painful
more painful than anything.





Shooting Star

I wasn't there for your birth I didn't see you grow Never got to know you Never even saw I loved you because of her I loved you because of shared blood I heard you were beautiful a free spirit wanting to brake away to be free and you did you broke away from your planet soared high into the sky you became a star a shooting star but you fell you fell burning burning with your desire for life and love left us with questions unanswered left your dreams for us
your unfulfilled promises
your unrealized life you were a star
our shooting star

Blood & Love

I look up and I see my father's reflection in the window
reading with a cigarette in hand
glasses perched on his nose
a cup of coffee on the table,
but it's my reflection I'm looking at,
and I miss him.
I'm cooking with fragrant herbs
chopping, dicing, mincing
washing pots and pans as I cook
my wedding band making music
ping ping ping
this is how I remember my mother
through the smells of my cooking
the sounds of my kitchen
and the taste of our meals.
Now I'm sewing something,
cutting the fabric carefully
placing my left hand on the cloth
using the scissors with my right
it's my oldest sister's hands
that I'm looking at
when I would sit impatiently by her side
as she made me pretty little girl dresses.
I see them in me, I see me in them
I look like all nine of my brothers and sisters
I look like my mom and dad
I am them, and they are me,
this is our blood
this is love.

Don't Ask

Don't ask me how I am
Don't ask how I'm doing
Don't bother asking how I feel
I am raw with emotion
It hurts too much
it hurts to feel
to think
asking is like picking at my wounds
making blood flow like my tears
I am one soul living two lives
feeling for two
hurting for two
going mad

The Wind

It's come again, this dammed wind 
rattling my nerves and windows,
scattering leaves and lives, braking my favorite potted plants turning the garden chairs upside down littering my pool  with flower petals and bird feathers, tossing my hair and thoughts every which way,  howling, roaring, wailing like a madman, protesting life's injustices, flinging all restraint  whimpering like a defeated child  dying, exhausted coiling around itself, winding down, spent weeping. This crazy, insane, lunatic wind its' me, I feel sorry, for this wind, and me.